I wrote this eleventh testimony in order to show myself that I cannot
underestimate Satan. (2 Timothy 2:26) Satan will use all means necessary
to confuse and hurt me. In fact, I am not alone when he already confused
the Mormons, Moonies, Muslims, and Jehovah's Witnesses. I used to believe
in those voices as the Word of God for four years when those voices are
words of confusion. (1 Corinthians 14:33) Before I had a better understanding
about the Bible, I had decided to go to the University of California at
Irvine because I had thought that I could find my future wife there. Although
my reasons to go to UCI were wrong, I am repenting by rejecting every notion
that those voices were from God. Incredulous as it may sound, I really did
hear those voices and really believed that those voices were real. As I
wrote my eleventh testimony, I saw the flaws in what the voices said and
realized that God did not talk to me.
After I wrote my eleventh testimony, I wrote the Joseph, the Prime Minister of Egypt, Testimony #1 even though the number eleven comes after the number one. Testimony #1 was actually my first publicized testimony. I was blessed when other believers were being blessed by what I wrote in my first publicized testimony. You can say that my eleventh testimony is my first testimony and that I really did not show it to anyone until now. Christ alleviated through His grace while my eleventh testimony initiated the beginning stages of my spiritual and mental recovery from my illness. When I realized those voices were not from God and that I was deceived, my depression is diminishing although I am still struggling with many sins in my life. As I started to realize what God died for me on the cross, I fell more in love with Him.
Christ alone should be sufficient to cure one's depression, and my advice
to cure one's depression is probably not Reformed. However, I can offer
only a band-aid solution to a huge problem called sin. You may not be able
to overcome your depression even if you take my word of advice. The simplest
advice to cure one's spiritual depression is to repent. So, where can you
get the strength to repent? There is simply nowhere to get it except from
Christ. Anyway, if anyone is depressed, my band-aid word of advice is that
you start praising God. Study the "Five Points of Calvinism."
Understand that you are God's son by adoption. Try to brag what God did
for you on the cross, and ask God to help really mean it. Share your faith
to other non-Christians. Do not be ashamed of the gospel. Tell the whole
world that you love God and that God loves you, and again ask God to really
mean it. Of course, you must have fellowship, pray, and read the Bible as
well. If you still have problems praising God, write down all of your sins,
confusion, or anger towards God on paper, look at yourself, and start repenting
through your prayers. If you cannot find your sins, confusion, or anger
toward God, then ask a brother or sister to point out your sins, confusion,
or anger toward God. (James 5:16)
Confessing your sins through one's prayers may be the first step in curing
one's depression. However, you cannot earn God's common grace through your
prayers. You can only receive God's common grace through His mercy and compassion.
(Romans 9:15) If you cannot pray a good prayer, pray anyway. I never prayed
with a pure and clean heart. However, God has the right not to hear your
prayers when you are in sin. (Proverbs 15:29) For instance, I prayed to
God that I will win three Nobel Prizes in physics and that I will marry
a very beautiful Korean Christian wife everyday for four years. Even though
I prayed and asked other brothers and sisters to pray not according to God's
plans, I was really blessed anyway through God's mercy. You can say what
the voices said inspired me to pray a lot harder and encouraged me to come
closer to God. Thus, Satan's plans in his attempts to destroy my faith backfired.
God can bless you even though you do not know how to pray. For instance,
I prayed to God that He send me to Stanford, MIT, and Cal-Tech in high school
as a non-believer. When God answered "no" to my prayer, I rejected
God. Later on, I came to the conclusion that Berkeley was a better school
for me when God provided two Korean churches there. Stanford, MIT, and Cal-Tech
did not have a very large Korean Christian community from 1989 to 1994.
I would be content with my life at a point that I do not need God if I were
accepted to MIT or Stanford. Berkeley was the best school for me to become
a Christian. Of course, you can have more inner peace if you pray correctly
according to His plans. It is better to pray badly than not to pray at all.