You may ask, "Is dating Biblical if we date to get married?"
First of all, there is no precedent in the Bible such that it is OK for
people to date to get married. The Bible never states that it is OK to date
someone temporarily and date someone else whenever it does not work out.
Dating is un-Biblical because it is a relationship based on conditional
love. When Christ loves us, He loves us unconditionally, regardless of our
faults and weaknesses. In my opinion, there is no such thing as a Christian
boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. I am guessing that 99% of boyfriend-girlfriend
break-ups result when both partners realize each other's faults and sins.
When people have a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, they have a pseudo-husband
and wife relationship. If dating is NOT a pseudo-husband and wife relationship,
is it OK for the brother or sister in Christ to date another partner while
they date each other? The sense of ownership between girlfriend and boyfriend
does define a pseudo-husband and wife relationship. Dating teaches many
Christians the false assurance that it is OK not to work out the relationship
until the end. Ultimately, dating teaches many married partners the same
way.
Marriage is a "blood bond relationship between God and us." Marriage is a gift and a wonderful institution from God. Marriage will teach any believer to be a better Christian. It will also teach any believer how much God loves the church because Christ is also married to the church. So, should a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship be taken as seriously as a covenant of marriage? It is clear that keeping the marriage is very essential for our sanctification, and I do admit that it is a gray area whether or not continuing the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship is essential for our sanctification. Philippians 2:12,13 states, "...work our your salvation with fear and trembling for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure." It doesn't state that we should quit regardless of the situation.
Dating in the United States is a miserable failure, because it teaches us to quit whenever the dating relationship has gone sour. People go through divorces because they are taught that it is OK to quit. The statistics are proof that dating is a total failure when over 50% of marriages lead to divorce. Dating in the United States teaches us that love is conditional, when in fact it is not. Love should be unconditional. Love is also not temporal. It is clear that the liberal American culture and dating do not make everyone happier. It actually increases the amount of hurt and loneliness when the intentions of dating are to liberate both men and women from their parents.
Dating is a by-product result of the liberal movement in the early 1900's. Basically, liberalism started with the idea that it is OK for the wife to disobey her husband. Sadly, it took one step further, such that it became OK for women and men to disobey their parents, as well. Since the Christian church is losing its influence, it is difficult for children to trust their parents to arrange a marriage for them. Arranged marriages are completely foreign today, because we are living in a liberal society, in which freedom is more valued than submission. It is even more difficult for believers to trust their families when their mothers and fathers are not saved.
So, it is best that every Christian parent help their sons and daughters get married in an arranged marriage. Arranged marriage is really not horrible. See Genesis 24. People were married through arranged marriages for many centuries until the 20th Century. Rebekah and Isaac had an arranged marriage. Joseph and Mary had an arranged marriage. Even Joseph, the Prime Minister of Egypt, went through an arranged marriage, and it is not clear whether or not his wife was an Israelite. It is my belief that his wife was also saved. In fact, my grandparents were married through an arranged marriage, and they had a happy marriage. However, arranged marriages are not practical, because almost everyone already had a boyfriend or girlfriend relationship in the past.
So, how can we apply this essay to our lives? My advice is that you let your parents help you date. Interact with your parents while you date and seek their approval if they are saved. Trust your parents while you date and try not to break up before you get married. But most of all, pray really hard and trust God with all of your heart.
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